Christopher John Myers

Remember the ‘eighties?   Customer Care, Maggie Thatcher, Duran Duran and Buck's Fizz? Croydon Council does, and to prove it they’ve launched ‘Proud to Serve,' part of their 'customer promise.’ They’re measuring satisfaction, online and with on-street surveys using, you’ll be interested to know, “pairs of staff”, “weather permitting.”   Clearly for Elf ‘n Safety reasons.  No, I’m not making this up. With no hint of irony their website says, “It is important to us that we deliver services to you in a helpful and effective way. This is even more essential in the current challenging economic climate. Well, I never. There are five ‘Proud to Serve statements”, with my comments in blue . We are honest, open and transparent ( can you see right through this one?) We spend your council tax wisely and give you value for money ( hmmm ) We listen to you and act on what you tell us ( then why scrap weekly refuse collections?) We are professional and know what...

It’s not just Rowan Williams who lives in a parallel universe - the Bishop of Bath and Wells, the Rt Rev Peter Price does too.  He says that last summer's rioters were having a “spiritual” experience. The experience was a way of providing “release” and “escape” he told the Church of England General Synod.  Hardly  surprising since young people had been “condemned” to lives with no hope in run-down areas. He was speaking to introduce a church report on the riots, bafflingly titled, Testing the Bridges , which suggests we do not ‘confuse’ crime and sin. It suggests that we should all share responsibility for the riots. And it repeatedly blame the media and suggests that the police were heavy handed. The bishop says, “Where hope has been killed off and with no prospect of escape, is it surprising that their energies erupt in antisocial and violent actions?" “In a consumer society is it surprising that lusting after high-status goods is seen as a wa...

So farewell, then, Ermes Effron Borgnino, otherwise known as Ernie Borgnine.   Y ou have been a film star all my life.   I remember you in the Flight of the Phoenix, the Dirty Dozen, the Wild Bunch, Pthe oseidon Adventure, Airwolf and a million other TV and film classics, including Spongebob Square Pants and ER!!. Your Wiki entry shows that you have been working steadily from the 1950s until this year. I salute you, and forgive your membership of the Masons.

Well, hello – the deputy governor of the Bank of England tells MPs – and the world – that the system for setting international interest rates is a “cesspit”. Well, grammar aside (how can a system, a process, be a cesspit?) what I now want to know is … what has 'Dozy Tucker' been doing about this world-wide scandal? The answer, of course, is – NOTHING. Why wasn’t he escalating the problem as high up the system as possible?   And, if he couldn’t manage to interest Eddie George, or anyone in government, then why – for all our sakes – wasn’t he blowing a whistle as hard as possible? He’s got to go. Question is – who, or what, do we get to replacer him? According to The Telegraph, Tucker says that “the market for determining one of the world’s key interest rates was a “cesspit” and banks cannot be trusted to be honest in several other major markets”. Rather late in the day, he’s suggesting that other markets should now be investigated: www.telegraph.co.u...

Don’t dial 999 if your cat’s stuck up a tree It’s always been a waste of public money, and a risk to life, to send fire-fighters up ladders to rescue cats, so it’s great news that the London Fire Brigade are asking people to ‘phone the RSPCA instead. About time – when did you ever see at cat on fire?? There’s been a 60 per cent rise in these cat call-outs over the last six years – on average that’s one every 14 hours. London Fire Commissioner Ron Dobson said: “It is time to dispel the old stereotype about fire-fighters rescuing cats from trees, our crews are highly trained emergency service personnel. “If there is a cat up a tree, or an animal stuck anywhere, the first port of call should always be the RSPCA, not the emergency services.” “Pet owners need to keep a close eye on their animals in a bid to avoid some of these situations happening. What's worrying is that when firefighters are out rescuing animals, they're not available to attend real emer...