Croydon Council’s massive irony attack

Remember the ‘eighties?  Customer Care, Maggie Thatcher, Duran Duran and Buck's Fizz?
Croydon Council does, and to prove it they’ve launched ‘Proud to Serve,' part of their 'customer promise.’

They’re measuring satisfaction, online and with on-street surveys using, you’ll be interested to know, “pairs of staff”, “weather permitting.”  Clearly for Elf ‘n Safety reasons.  No, I’m not making this up.

With no hint of irony their website says,

“It is important to us that we deliver services to you in a helpful and effective way. This is even more essential in the current challenging economic climate. Well, I never.

There are five ‘Proud to Serve statements”, with my comments in blue.

  1. We are honest, open and transparent (can you see right through this one?)
  2. We spend your council tax wisely and give you value for money (hmmm)
  3. We listen to you and act on what you tell us (then why scrap weekly refuse collections?)
  4. We are professional and know what we are talking about (dangerous statement this)
  5. You are treated as a valued customer.
  6. Working to achieve the Proud to Serve promise
Amazingly claim to be able to prove that these statements are being put into effect:

Here are five ‘proofs’
  1. Mystery shopping, with improvement actions put into place after the results are received
  2. Monitoring of customer service standards across the council
  3. Skills training for staff including customer service skills
  4. Improved communications between you and your council
  5. Customer engagement activities such as surveys and public consultations.
Er, I thought these were supposed to be proofs, not vague, wishy-washy aspirational comments?

Ah well, actually the last survey in 2011 found that most people (70%) were not satisfied that these ‘promises’ were being met.

So, what next?

Work, apparently:
“We will be working to improve this level in a number of different ways, for example:
■Improving the way staff deal with our customers
■Ensuring that customers get enough information to make informed decisions and have the chance to have their say.
We will let you know how we are doing later in the year.

If you think I’m making this up, see here: proudtoserve

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