Warks plods ban black day, not white wash!
Warwickshire Police, shortlisted for a Plain English award for their gobblydegook, have banned officers from using terms such as 'black day' and 'black mark', but not apparantly 'whitewash'.
Here to amuse you, tho, is a reminder of some of their claptrap, highlighted by the wonderful Plain English Campaign.
One of their documents says the department aims to “protect people from harm” with a range of “outcome focused” functions that “are professionally competent and understand the operational policing context of their services, ensuring that they are quality assured, effective and efficient.”
In 1,200 words, the word crime is not mentioned once.
Chrissie Maher, founder of the Plain English Campaign, said it was “absolute rubbish” but Warwickshire Police said it was not a public document, despite being published online.
She said: “It’s absolute rubbish as far as I am concerned, and this is from someone who has read reports day in, day out, for the last 30 years.
“How can I make informed decisions if they do not talk to me in plain English? Gobbledegook gives me no choice. Most of us do not use words like that.
“I’m not asking for ‘the cat sat on the mat’ but all familiar words seem to have been sieved out and all you are left with is a horrible mess. I can’t understand any of it.
OTHER examples of corporate ‘clap-trap’ – and their translations – include:
* High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process. (Children need good schools if they are to learn properly).
* If there are any points which require explanation we shall furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone. (If you have any questions, please phone).
* It is important you read the information detailed opposite then complete the form overleaf prior to its immediate return by way of the envelope provided. (Please read the notes before you fill in the form. Then send it back to us ASAP in the envelope provided.)
Here to amuse you, tho, is a reminder of some of their claptrap, highlighted by the wonderful Plain English Campaign.
One of their documents says the department aims to “protect people from harm” with a range of “outcome focused” functions that “are professionally competent and understand the operational policing context of their services, ensuring that they are quality assured, effective and efficient.”
Chrissie Maher, founder of the Plain English Campaign, said it was “absolute rubbish” but Warwickshire Police said it was not a public document, despite being published online.
She said: “It’s absolute rubbish as far as I am concerned, and this is from someone who has read reports day in, day out, for the last 30 years.
“How can I make informed decisions if they do not talk to me in plain English? Gobbledegook gives me no choice. Most of us do not use words like that.
“I’m not asking for ‘the cat sat on the mat’ but all familiar words seem to have been sieved out and all you are left with is a horrible mess. I can’t understand any of it.
OTHER examples of corporate ‘clap-trap’ – and their translations – include:
* High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process. (Children need good schools if they are to learn properly).
* If there are any points which require explanation we shall furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone. (If you have any questions, please phone).
* It is important you read the information detailed opposite then complete the form overleaf prior to its immediate return by way of the envelope provided. (Please read the notes before you fill in the form. Then send it back to us ASAP in the envelope provided.)
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